The Love Song of Harry Ritz (Inspired by Repeated Viewings of "The Gorilla")

With apologies to T. S. Eliot.
 

Let us go then, you and I, and Al, don't forget Al

when the evening is spread out against the sky

to that Haunted House

of Fear and Squalor

where danger awaits,

and PLEASE DON'T HOLLER!

   Let us go and make our visit.

   In the room, so dark and smelly, 

   we will talk of Patsy Kelly.

And indeed there will be time

For a gorilla to appear,

Lumbering through the library

of a rich guy looking like Lionel Atwill

Whose murder we will prevent!

For we are detectives on our toes

and not a trio of mugging schmoes.

   In the room, for pity sakes,

   we will do our double takes.

    

And indeed there will be time

for some physical schtick

some vaudeville click

some comic lick

I should have been a pair of ragged claws

because that would scare that gorilla, I bet.

  I have seen the moment of my bravery flicker,

  And I have seen the gorilla stand behind me, and snicker,

  And in short, I was afraid.

I grow old ... I grow old ...

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

and a hat with a turned up brim,

because people laugh at that stuff.

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

They opened for us at the Palace.

I have seen them eating cheesecake at Lindy's

with Milton Berle and Martha Raye

or another girl and Joey Faye --

  Here comes the ending

  like sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
  we get into our jalopy
  and head back to town
  Let us go then, you and I, and Al, don't forget Al