Screen Capture Theatre: "Five Against the House," or When My Baby Smiles at Me I Go to Reno

Herewith, another installment of Screen Capture Theatre, because why not? This time around, it is the 1955 film "Five Against ..." well, see for yourself:

This is not a sequel to "Six Against the Sea," "Seven Against the Sea," "Nine Against the River" or "Ten Against the Sea." Look at the word "against" for a long time. Doesn't it start to look misspelled? That's some craziness right there.

The five against the house are a group of college buddies
who look too old for college, including good-looking Guy...

Uncle Bill from "Family Affair"...

 

... the only actor in the world named Kerwin...

  

... and county agent Hank Kimball from "Green Acres."

They have lots of fun together, going to casinos and such in between
classes at good old Midwestern University, which is in Reno,
which is not in the Midwest.

"Did I ever tell you I live with my orphaned nephew and nieces,
Buffy, Jody and Cissy?"

"Did I ever tell you I once saw Eddie Albert in his underwear?"

Anyway, those are four of the five. And the house they are against
is Harold's Club in Reno, which is a casino which is filled with money.

Oh, and this is important to know -- Uncle Bill goes crazy whenever
anyone tells him he has hair like Donald Trump.

The fifth member of the group is Kim Novak, who is
good-looking Guy's girlfriend.

"Miss Novak, you're trying to seduce me!"

Kerwin is the mastermind of the heist, which involves
the incredibly complicated scheme of putting
a tape recorder into a cart.

The plan goes into action with a 1949 Ford, a psychotic war vet and what's left of Lucy and Desi's house from "The Long, Long Trailer." What could go wrong?
  

"... and then there was the time I was in Venezuela and my
manservant, Mr. French, had to take care of the kids ..."

 

On the day of the robbery, the guys dress like cowboys.
Their quarry is a heavyset guy wearing his wife's western shirt.

Alas, the plan fails when Kerwin forgets to put batteries in the
tape recorder. And somebody gives Uncle Bill a MAGA hat, so he
gets mad and runs into an elevated parking garage.

"Uncle Bill! It's me, good-looking Guy! You're not standing behind me
with a loaded gun or anything, are you?"

Uncle Bill finally breaks down and agrees to consider medical care.
And he reveals his darkest secret:
"Did I ever tell you I once saw Eddie Albert in his underwear?"